You're cuckoo in the coconut! -the avalanches

Its official. I've gone up two pants sizes since the summer. But as of today, I've formally replaced my food junkie trend with something new. Instead of eating when I'm bored or bummed, now I shop. It's harder on the wallet, but easier on the waistband of my jeans.

Plans for the weekend: Boston/Providence
Duration of bus ride: 8 hours with transfers. With all the shopping I've been doing, I have to save -somewhere-...
Cost: 73 round trip

It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away. -U2

Around 7 am or so, there is a pathway of sunlight that shines through the bathroom window. Today, as I stepped out of the shower in the empty house, I noticed that in that swathe of light, I could see the water droplets and moisture particles hanging golden in the air. Waving my hand slowly through that glistening pathway, I watched the air and water particles swirl around my fingers. It was a fascinating and beautiful moment. A Matrix moment, if you will. Then I realized I was still naked and was going to be late for work.

Terrible how the reality of our everyday responsibilities intrudes on the magic of things, isn't it?

The Morning After

Well, after a weekend of drunken debauchery and carousing around, I'm about 60 bucks short and I've made someone at Cream very very happy.

No sexual favors were exchanged between me and the recipient of this happiness, although with my 60 bucks, I bet this person could probably have gotten a cheap prostitute. I had tucked my money into the waistband of my skirt (typical girl-style), with the thought that I'd move it into my boot later on in the night when I wouldn't have to tip the waitress in our room anymore. Unfortunately, due to the top-shelf open bar option that we had for two hours only, I got pretty toasted pretty fast. And it only took one drunken trip to the bathroom for me to lose my money. I went into the bathroom with the money in my waistband, and left without the money. I weaved my way back to the bathroom to retrieve it, only to find that it was already gone (surprise surprise). I even went to the lost-and-found at the club to see if anyone had turned in 60 bucks cash. They laughed at me.

However, I woke up without a hangover the next morning. Small comfort.

There are mornings when I wake up with a song in my head. Since I don' t listen to the radio before I go to sleep, I have no idea where they come from. But I like to think that maybe its a little message from my subconscious.

Song for today: Alien Ant Farm - Movies

At slow speed, we all seem focused.
In motion, we seem wrong.
In summer, you can taste the rain.
I want you, to be free.
Don't worry about me.
And just like the movies,
We'll play out our last scene.

Plan for today: New York for a mini-reunion.

I will dedicate, and sacrifice my everything
For just a second's worth
Of how my story's ending.
And I wish I could know if the directions that I take
And all the choices that I make
Won't end up all for nothing.

-Hoobastank

Pain is the name of the game.

I woke up this morning in large amounts of pain. Not just from my knee. I hurt in places where I didn't even know I had muscles. And I'm made screamingly aware of all the muscles involved in normal everyday things like sitting up in bed. Tossing the blanket off my body because I'm too hot requires more strength and pain that I can muster. It hurts to raise my arms just so I can tuck my hair behind my ears.

This means that I had to get my brother to tie my hair into a ponytail for me this morning.
This means I went around most of the day looking like a freak.

For the first time ever, I'm suddenly grateful for my "orangutan arms", as my mother calls them. I don't have to bend over as much to get dressed becuase I can reach things on the floor more easily. Now I know what it feels like to be old and have it hurt everytime I move. Granted, I don't have arthritis pain, but I imagine this is what it must be like.

Was that you, passing me by... - Jewel

I went snowboarding today for the first time, and this is what I have to show for it. A knee swollen to the size of a small orange and a very achey body. Snowboarding is hard on the body, especially when you suck as much as I do. All my joints hurt. I can't even straighten my leg, the knee's too pudgy. I fell on a sharp rock on my way down, hitting my knee and making it swell. I fell most of the way down actually. Perhaps it might've been a better idea to practice on the bunny slopes instead of skipping to the intermediate slopes. I will be paying for my arrogance over the next few days. Pain builds character.

I went with this guy I haven't known for that long. At first I was worried that he might take it the wrong way. But when I pulled up my pants to show him my knee, thus revealing my unshaven leg, I realized that I needn't worry anymore. It's winter! I didn't think anyone would be seeing my legs!

Now, I'm just waiting for my body's natural morphines to start kicking in. C'mon.....

Simple pages on my mind - Weezer

[overheard at work]
"I hate it when I get little fuzzy balls on my sweater."
"At least they're not on your chin."

see you on the other side of home - weezer
I had a terrible experience with my two week pass and Bally's. The staff is rude, boorish, and pushy. They wanted me to commit to a three-year membership before allowing me to use my free trial pass. I can't even figure out if I can commit to three years of grad school. Here is a copy of the complaint letter I sent to Bally headquarters. I doubt I'll get a response, but it was cleansing. However, I did find an awful lot of "I hate Bally's" and "Bally sucks" websites though. A simple Google on "I hate Bally" or "Bally sucks" will pop up messageboards, online reviews, etc. There's a community on the web for everyone. There was even a lawsuit hearing on it.

Apparently, corporate hate sites aren't limited to just Bally's.

I think what I hated most was the fact that I couldn't seem to deal with it. I can never seem to keep my head when it comes to confrontational moments. The fight-or-flight response kicks in, and unfortunately, my instinctive response to aggression is "flight". A friend's advice on all this: "Meet more assholes."

Give me some love, give me some love, sugar that's the wrong wrong way to go. -Weezer

[telephone call]
n: "so... what are you doing on valentine's day?"
k: "masturbating."
n: "..."

I'll swim through your veins, like a fish in the sea. -Uncle Cracker

My fish died yesterday. The official prognosis according to all fish experts/boards is swim bladder problems. Caused by constipation. I flushed him yesterday while playing the Star Spangled Banner on my mini-speakers. Cleaned out his bowl and thermometer with toilet cleaner. Appropriate eh? The only problem is that I get a little anxious in the bathroom these days. I have this irrational fear that a vengeful zombie-fied fish will swim back up the toilet bowl and jump up to bite me on the bum while I'm on the can.

Who rocks the body that rocks the body?

Yesterday, I went through the hazing ritual required to become an "adult". Orientation at my new job at the Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. I entered bright eyed and bushy tailed, and left weighed down with booklets and pamphlets about HMO's, 401K's, mutual funds, and pension plans. For the first time, I felt grudgingly grateful that I'm living at home where my dad can help me sort out the mess. Health insurance is key. Everything else is incidental.

Speaking of health, I am no longer a health club virgin. I went to the gym for the first time tonight with friend, Debbie. Gyms, I've decided, are the post-college substitute for dirty frat parties and sleazy clubs. At a gym, you can get the same slimey feeling of being scoped out while you're red and sweaty. Except, instead of being red and sweaty from too much beer and dancing, you're red and sweaty from being out of shape and blowing a hole in your heart on the treadmill. Joy!

Normally, I avoid places like Bally's . It reeks of macho-ism and peppy girls. Surprisingly, it wasn't too bad. But I can't say the same for the pricetag. 200 down payment + 50 per month for a year = too much money for my wallet to handle. Do you have any idea what I could do with an extra 800 bucks a year? Any idea how many shoes I could buy with that? I'll make do with my two-week free pass and my tofu-belly. I hear little pot bellies are "in" this year.

Coffee Black and Egg White - Counting Crows

My betta fish is sick! I found him lying on his side last night, convinced he'd finally bit the dust. I poked at him, and he swam sluggishly up. Since then, he's alternated between lying on his side at the bottom of the bowl, "standing" on his tail vertically, twirling around on his tail like a ballerina, and swimming upside down. My friend thinks he's dying. I'm in denial. I think perhaps he's just... trying something new. I posted to a few newsgroups, including The Tropical Tank Discussion and I found The Fish Shop .

My friend suggested I practice euthanasia on the little guy and put ice cubes in his bowl. It makes me miserable to think of doing that.

It did cross my mind to place an anonymous phone call to the Animal Hospital though.

I am folded, and unfolded, and unfolding. - Counting Crows


I'm pretty new to blogging, but so far, it seems like a pretty neat idea. Spill my guts to the world, hope no one I know stumbles upon the site, and I get a free hobby. Quite a chin-rubbing proposal.

But first things first. I recently graduated from an unnamed Ivy League school. Unfortunately for me, and even more unfortunately for my parents, it looks like it may be a while before my expensive education starts to show any financial returns.

As a 21 year old recent college graduate living during the economic slowdown, there are a few options open to me:

A) live at home
B) apply to graduate school
C) try vainly to hoodwink a recruiter into hiring me.

I am trying D) all of the above.

As it is, A) drives me almost nutty, B) makes me despair, C) tends to ride on my conscience, but D) makes me feel useful. And we all know that feeling useful, resourceful, un-deceitful, and all the other -ful's (including '-ful of potential') is enough to make anyone feel relatively satisfied with themselves. For the time being. Like most other things, being "full of potential" has an expiration date.

::email nine::